Comedy Sketch

-Introduction, say hello

-I'm a teenager as you can probably see, and that's the source of most of my material. Parents haha the fun thing to talk about. Everything a parent talks to you about or asks you about has an underlying meaning.They call it the Syndrome. There's always a reason for why they want to know things. It doesn't matter what your answer is to any of their questions and they automatically think the opposite. You get your homework done? yep! mmmmhmmmmmmmmmmm. When? Just a minute ago. mmmmhhhhhmmmmmm. Where is it? In my backpack. oooookkkkkk. Why don't your socks match? I don't know I had a headache. Why'd you have a headache? I felt sick. YOU MUST'VE BEEN DRUNK LAST NIGHT IF YOU HAD A HEADACHE. MOM IT WAS A MONDAY! I WAS ALONE! Yeaaaaaaa surrrrrrre you were alone!

-The syndrome works with everything with parents. I'm hungry. Why are you hungry? You pregnant? No. Just hungry. Everything gets connected to pregnancy. Man the weather's nice out. Why are you so happy? You pregnant? Did you fart because you must be pregnant. No I'm not, Well you are spending a lot of time with your boyfriend, well I spend a lot of time with my sister too but that sure doesn't mean I'm sleeping with her.

-Moms and the entire female race are just different. I'm not leaving myself out of that statement I'm just trying to make a point here so ladies just chill out. There are female rituals that are just strange. This thing about having to have another person with you when you go to the bathroom. I would much rather go to the bathroom when there's one of two things. Either there's no one in there to hear me go, or that place is so damn packed that there are toilets flushing here and sinks blasting there so that my stuff is still kept private.The worst thing is being in a stall and hearing absolute silence in the stall next to you and all the sudden you hear pfffffft bloop bloop bloop, and a little giggle. You're thinking oh my god I'm going to be washing my hands at the sink with her I'm going to have to look at her I'm going to have to laugh at her! I can't imagine being a male and actually having to be right next to another person that's peeing. Girls have a hard enough time going in a private stall, let alone out in the open air while your mind is free to wander....and so are your eyes.

-It's funny being a tom boy because you hear things that guys say that they won't typically say around girls. Typically they tell jokes and act really polite and try to impress a female, but when they know you're a tom boy they just let you listen and they get in their natural habitats. They talk about actually comparing sizes. It's funny how guys are always wanting to compare sizes you know? Girls don't walk into a bathroom, whip their shirts off and stand in front of another girl like dude mine are sooooo much bigger! Sword Fight!!!

-women can be a lot like men though if you catch them in their right habitats. Women talk about ohhhh men are so gross...eww you farted I can't believe it....I happen to know for a fact that if you catch a woman when she's tired enough she no longer cares about how you see her as long as you're in her family. She'll plop down on the couch with everything hanging out put her leg in the air and next thing you know pffffffffffffffffft. Your hair's blowing back in the damn wind. You look at her and she gives you a grin. What? It happens I know it's hard to believe but it does happen.And ladies we don't just perspire, we sweat.You ever been next to a 300 lb woman? I'm talkin a woman thats so big she makes free willy look like a tic tac? I'm talkin the ones that when they tip toe everyone yells STAMPEDE! They do not perspire they SWEAT. If you think babies stink....smell a fat woman....actually no don't.