Drowning- Written by Lacy Pittman

August 2005

I've lost myself inside

And you're just along for the ride

You get to see me fall apart

My strength begins to subside

Fear clutches everything

As I realize I'm alone

And even though you're sitting there

I'm still on my own

This is a battle I cannot win

My soul is being ripped apart

And I'm feeling shaken

Pain wraps itself around my heart

I cry out for love

I need to feel you there

To hold my hand while I lose myself

At least I'd know you care

But you just sit there

Like everyone else

And let me fall apart

Without a hand to guide me

Without wanting to know my heart

Without realizing what's wrong

Or how very sad I am

Not to mention lonely

Without even one loyal friend

To know inside you'd die

For a family member or friend

And knowing in that same situation

They'd never let their life end

Not for you

That's not the way

They feel when they think of your face

They think of only a face

No memories to trace

Nothing holds them back

From letting me fall

It won't hurt them

They won't feel it at all

When inside I'm screaming

And holding out my hand

Shouting that I'm drowning

And they don't understand

Drowning in pain

In hurt

In sorrow

In loss

In wasted time

Without loyalty

Or triumph

They don't know what it's like

To be a shadow on the floor

To be the girl that no one sees

When she's right behind the door

To not be missed when they're not around

To feel like their feet will never hit the ground

How can I be happy

Without any kind of love

Even the kindest people look at me from above

They smirk at me

And laugh

That I don't have what they have

They look down their noses

And all agree that they're better

As I continue drowning

My lungs getting wetter

My body gets sicker

And things begin to look gray

Even the sunlight gently drifts away

Until I'm left in nothing but my shell

Without anyone to help

I'm in my own personal hell

Everything is slowly fading

As the water level rises

Everyone's around

But no one realizes

My strength is almost gone now

I begin to fall asleep

The transformation is nearly complete

The water slows my heartbeat

The black murky water

That is fear and anger

Are sweeping over me

And no one sees any danger

I'm closing my eyes now

I'm giving up

I can only be strong for so long

And my time's up

I know you won't notice

So I won't say goodbye

Now I am nothing

I'm all gone inside.