"Am I going to Heaven?"
I pondered aloud.
And as I thought I stared
into the darkened clouds.
I hoped that He could for certain,
hear all of my prayers.
And as I gazed above,
In blew the misty air.
"Am I going to Heaven?"
I cried out to the skies,
feeling the tears,
rushing to my eyes.
I hoped that He could feel my presence,
as I'd always felt His.
I never knew
if anything would come of this.
Still hearing nothing,
my heart began to pound.
As I awaited a response,
I still heard not a sound.
Not a rustling of wind,
nor the feel of the air,
not a calm, but not panic,
and I continued to stare.
Clenching my fists
I threw them towards the sky.
Collapsing on my knees,
I began to cry.
I worshiped and I prayed
all alone in my room.
Hoping that loneliness
wouldn't become doom.
Choking out a cry
towards the Heavens above,
I begged and I pleaded and I asked Him for His love.
"Am I going to Heaven?!"
I cried out once more,
and I began to feel,
that my eyes were getting sore.
The sudden warmth I felt
growing in my soul,
made me feel as if,
for once my heart was whole.
I felt as if I was,
being embraced.
And all the hurt inside of me,
was quickly being erased,
I wrapped my arms around my head,
and let out a sigh.
It was then obvious,
I didn't need to cry.
"Am I going to Heaven?"
was a question need not asked.
When I felt the warmth
release me from my mask.
My body was reborn,
my pain drifted away.
All of my suffering,
was no longer here to stay.
He took me in His arms
and for the first time I smiled.
The cancer ran away
and couldn't be seen for miles.
Knowing the pain was over
and I was going home,
I no longer felt,
that I was alone.
And as we drifted upward
into the night sky,
I uttered to my wife
one last "I Love You"
and "Goodbye."
And as we drifted upward,
once more I stared.
I felt the cool, golden, wind
rustle through my hair.
I knew that it was time
that I could go home.
Never again would I suffer,
or feel alone.
I let out a last sigh for all of my kids.
I knew they'd never suffer
the way that I did.
I knew that they'd miss me,
but I did not despair,
Forever I'd be with them,
I'd always be there.
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